What are some good intros?

QUESTION:

i am writing a research paper on the violin does anyone a good introduction?

JOHNNYDOLLAR ANSWERS:


Well, whenever I enter a room, I always have "The Final Countdown" playing full blast. And then I fill the room with smoke from the smoke machines I got from that one guy on craislist. And then the pyrotechnics go off. They're on a spinwheel I got from a defunked local game show on public access, so they shoot off in all directions. Then I release the doves, well they're not really doves, they're just some pigeons I was able to lure to my window with some birdseed. Then I lower myself down from the ceiling with some old bungee cords my dad had in a box in the basement. Just as I touch the ground, explosions go off from the gasoline buckets I light on fire and that sets off the roman candles strapped to my legs. Then I sit down and eat dinner.
Source(s):
The Ultimate Warrior

what is the classification for this type of person?

QUESTION:

hates interaction,thinks outside the box,and makes difficult things look incredibly easy(great musician,intelligent,fit,etc)also is extremely emotional...

JOHNNYDOLLAR ANSWERS:

Let's break it down.

Hates interaction: This person probably uses a lot of technological gadgets to communicate with people instead of face to face. (twitter, MySpaces, Facebooks, texting, etc.) Probably yells at people instead of talking to them.

Thinks Outside the Box: This person probably enjoys strange games (dressing up as a panda while trying to get shaving cream into a bottle using your feet).

Intelligent: This person probably does very well on tests and probably aced the SAT. They're really good at math. They all are.

Fit: This person is very much in shape due to a low fat diet and exercise. Probably some form of Martial Arts.

Extremely Emotional: This person can take emotions to the extreme. Ex: Dishonor = suicide.

I think it's plain to see that the correct classification is Asian. Watch out. Their 12 year olds will beat you at any video game. No matter how good you are. No matter how good.

Source(s):
U.S. Ambassador to Asia

what are the five "R words" in school?

QUESTION:

what are the five "R words" in school?

JOHNNYDOLLAR ANSWERS:

First of all, you're being pretty insensitive. They don't like to be called the "R word." They're people too. And they're in school because they want to learn to bag groceries and pump gas and stuff like that. They have to get jobs too ya know? Just because they wear bike helmets all the time and get out of class at 2:00PM doesn't mean they can't go to school. So those five "R-words" will probably grow up to work at your local grocery. And if you aren't nice to them now, they'll probably put your bread on the bottom. And when you're enjoying some smooshed toast you'll wish you hadn't called them the "R-Word."

Source(s):
Life Goes On

Question about child abuse.?

QUESTION:

okay, so they mad us watch a video and school. it was a music video.
"alyssa lies" & im only 13 so i dont know much. but i probably no your answer. but, why do people have kids, just to hurt them? its reall upsetting. i love my parents, but i just dont understand my anyone would ever wanna hurt a child. especially their own . i mean really.

here;s a video of alyssa lies.
this is not my classroom
or the video i saw . i just
saw the regular music video
but whatever. ;

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IpE73PvU9…

JOHNNYDOLLAR ANSWERS:

I know it is hard to understand. You are so young and the world is so complicated. First of all, sometimes parents have a hard day at work and they bring that frustration home. They can't keep it all bottled up. That's bad for you, so they have kids. Sometimes parents drink too much and people insult them so to boost their confidence they beat their kids. It helps them feel better about themselves. Sometimes kids just don't listen and what else can you do? Ya know? Sometimes they are just wimps and can't take a punch.
Source(s):
I am a High School Guidance Counselor

How do i talk to my mom about marijuana?

QUESTION:

My boyfriend is going to be growing medical marijuana. completly legally helping sick people. how do i tell my mom about this? we've never talked about pot before. i'm 24.



Liz this is a good question. Too many children don't talk to their parents about the dangers of drugs. The first step is to try and let them know you aren't coming down on them and being a "square." Try and relate to them by saying, "Hey, I know what's cool. I know what's happening. Did you catch that episode of 30something? Pretty sweet huh?" That will let them know you are "one of them." Then try to bond using a common enemy. Say, "Hey, how about those yahoos in the healthcare debate? Huh?! This guy knows what I'm talking about." Old people get really worked up about that. Just join in on whatever side they're on. Then say, "Speaking of health, you know what's bad for your health? Weed cigarettes. Yeah."

Since you're coming at them as a friend, they'll be more likely to listen. Tell them that it can cause:

-Hallucinations
-Insanity
-Paralysis
-Death

Source(s):
I am with the D.A.R.E. program

what is paranoia please let me know?

QUESTION:

what is paranoia please let me know?

JOHNNYDOLLAR ANSWERS:

Why do you want to know so bad?! And how did you know I was here? Did socr tell you I was here? Are you socr? If it is, this isn't the JohnnyDollar you're looking for. I'll tell ya that. As a matter of fact, he's dead. Yup dead. Horrible accident really. Someone let a gorilla loose in his bedroom. Yeah, that's the ticket. I don't know him even. I just heard this like from some guy on the bus or something. I don't know anything. Nothing. Hey, look over there!

*runs away*

Source(s):
I have no sources. I don't know anything. I swear. Just leave me alone.

how to make sky+ remote to work for sky?

QUESTION:

Actually I am just in need of making sky+ remote to work for my sky. I dont know why this flipin sky remote is working. For pressing any number on it , I need to do all sort of ecersises!!!!.... Fortunately I got a sky + remote but I dont know how to make that to work with my sky tv...Any help in this regard will be appreciated!!!!

JOHNNYDOLLAR ANSWERS:

OMG! I'm not sure how you got the remote control from "Click" with Adam Sandler, but you are the man! Can I please come over and play with it? I'd imagine you'd have to use the brightness button. But don't make it too dark, I can't drive if it's too late. This is gonna be great! We're gonna be the best of friends. We can slo mo girls running and also pause so we can win every game of Battleship we ever play! We can also put crazy hats on everyone and then hit play and see their reactions. We can even rewind and go back in time like in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 3. But I'm Michaelangelo. No negotiations. That is a deal breaker.

Source(s):
Christopher Walken

Do you know any old fashioned party games?

QUESTION:

I am having a traditional party, and i need some good party games. We are already doing pin the tail on the donkey, and pass the parcel.

Any suggestions welcome!

JOHNNYDOLLAR ANSWERS:

These whippersnappers today don't know anything! I'm glad to see people trying to bring back "kick the can" and "hoop and stick." Kids these days don't know diddly squat! I had to walk to school in the snow, uphill both ways. Barefoot! Now they have their VCRs and their Walk Mans. They don't appreciate nothing! And those Poke Mans are of the devil! Keep them away from your kids. I remember in WWII I think I killed a Pokey Mans once. I can't remember with my alzheimer's. I need to take my medicine. It's these dang pains in my arms I get. That, and I think I'm getting high off this Ben Gay. Ah, nevermind, I have to go to the bathroom again.

Source(s):
My kids never visit me.

1993 toyota 4runner making loud noise and comming from underneath.?

QUESTION:

I realize it's impossible to know for sure what the problem is but here goes. I have a 1993 toyota 4runner and a month or so ago toyota told me to replace the ujoints in order to pass safety but i have not had the money an now it's making a loud knocking noise. At first it was only when in gear but now it's full time. It became so loud i stopped driving it. Do bad ujoints cause a loud knocking or is it most likely something else all togather?

JOHNNYDOLLAR ANSWERS:

The same thing happened to by 1993 Rav 4. I had just driven my new girl out to Lover's Lane and I put on some mood music before we started some heavy petting. My girl heard something on the bumping around underneath the car. So I walked around and couldn't see anything. She was a bit worried, and we heard it again. I wanted to try to get to third base but she wanted to leave. I was pissed so I stepped on the gas and took her back. When she got out she was screaming her head off. I got out and on the door handle was a bloody hook.

Apparently a man had just escaped from the state insane asylum — which happened to be located not far from Lovers' Lane — and that anyone who noticed a strange man lurking about with a hook in place of his right hand should immediately report his whereabouts to the police.

Long story short, I killed Captain Hook. Don't make the same mistake.

Source(s):
Hook with Dustin Hoffman

Is my rat normal, please answer?

QUESTION:

one of my rats is asleep at the bottom of his cage, but his eyes are open. he's definitely asleep. its kind of creepy he looks dead, he isnt though, i just whistled and his ears moved

JOHNNYDOLLAR ANSWERS:

No reason to fret, this is normal. He is probably really tired from constantly running away from and pulling shenanigans on that old Tom cat. He has to sleep with one eye open or else the cat will come along and try to make a rat hot dog out of him. Complete with ketchup and mustard. Sure he'll wake up in time, but he'll have to shower. He's probably exhausted from painting fake mouse holes and then running into them anyway, only to have the cat bang his face against the wall.

You can help him out in a few ways.
1. Call in his very fast Mexican cousin. This will ensure that the cat is occupied for hours and your rat can sleep.

2. Buy a kangaroo. Your rat and the kangaroo can pull the old switcheroo on the cat and he will think the rat has grown huge! This will allow your rat to split time and not be as tired. Hope I helped.

Source(s):
Hannah Barbara

Do spells work. and i need some that actually work.?

QUESTION:

i need a spell that will grant my any wish. one that works and will never go away. and one that i can reverse if nessasary

JOHNNYDOLLAR ANSWERS:

Well Samantha, you've come to the right place! You see in years past using spells was quite a task. We had to memorize EVERYTHING! If we got something wrong, half the time we didn't even know it. Some say ignorance is bliss, but I don't think so. Luckily nowadays we have "spell check." It tells you if you've spelled anything wrong before you hit enter. And boy you sure could have used it when writing this question!! Welcome to the future Samantha. What wonders it beholds!

Source(s):
I am from 10 minutes in the future.

Me and my girlfriend broke up recently, and i have literally been sick to my stomach...?

QUESTION:

I've literally been sick to my stomach. Mental and emotional stress is one thing, but i'm becoming physically sick. I did think this was actually even possible. My stomach starts feeling really tense, gut wrenching so to speak, and a couple of times i couldnt help myself, and i threw up. any ideas? what's going on? thank you.

JOHNNYDOLLAR ANSWERS:

This exact thing happened to me when I broke up with my girlfriend. (I couldn't afford to keep paying for new windshields.) I kept throwing up and feeling dizzy. I just kept attributing it to bad Thai food. I went to the doctor...long story short, your ex girlfriend is poisoning you. I know it sounds crazy, but go check your antifreeze. She is slipping it into your food when you aren't looking. Stop cooling your freshly baked pies on the window sill!
Also, don't even think about taking out Sandra from the office. Your ex will just show up disguised as one of those guys dressed as a hot dog handing out free samples. She'll have some kid she is babysitting and claim it is yours and that you are a deadbeat dad. Just stay in and watch a movie. And if she wants to come over and drink and get back together, don't let her!!!

Reconstructive surgery can make things look better, but it'll never work the same again.

Source(s):
An Ex-Girlfriend, reconstructive-reattachment surgery, and 2 months of physical therapy.

P.S. We're back together.

Why is my orange goldfish turning black?

QUESTION:

i bough some goldfish and they are orange well now some are turning black

JOHNNYDOLLAR ANSWERS:

I can understand in a recession how this might become a problem. Trying to store away food for the future seems like a good idea, but can become a problem. While goldfish are delicious and cheddary, they can lose that orange luster and turn black if you don't store them properly. This means your goldfish have probably moved past the stale stage and are well into the rotten stage. It's no big deal, simply go to the grocery store and purchase some more. And this time, try and get some of the ones with smiley faces on them. They cheer you up while you eat! Although I do find it hard to eat something so carefree and happy. But when I smell their cheddary goodness I can't resist. Sometimes I imagine they are in a cheddary ocean and I am a vicious cheddar loving shark out for revenge for the death of my shark brother at the hands of the cheddary morsels. My blood thirst cannot be quenched.

Source(s):
I work for Pepperidge Farms

How do you desex a leparde gecko?

QUESTION:

i was wondering how u do that also does she lay eggs like a terttle i mean ever though they arn't fertilized

JOHNNYDOLLAR ANSWERS:


Sorry Krista. What's done is done. I know the gecko probably wants it's virginity back, but once you sex, there is no desex. He can not call you and pretend like it didn't happen, but it did. For both of you. He probably wishes he hadn't drunk so much and done something he regretted. It's not you, it's him. He'll deny it to his friends, and insult you behind your back, but it's all just for show. Don't let it hurt your feelings. He's probably not even a virgin. He probably uses that line to get girls. Let this be a lesson to you both. Dear God I hope he had protection. The last thing we need is giant gecko's walking on two legs! Unless, it's like that cute Geico gecko. In that case, I hope you guys get back together.

Source(s):
I'm a high school counselor

Economy class help. Solve for P?

QUESTION:

a-bp=c+ep

Please help solve for p


JOHNNYDOLLAR ANSWERS:


Listen, economy class isn't that bad. But I'll give you a few pointers anyways. Always check before hand to make sure your carry on will fit into the overhead compartment. If not, try and sneak some of your stuff into some else's stuff. Do this until it fits. If someone falls asleep on your shoulder, pretend you have OCD, and scream, "I DON'T LIKE TO BE TOUCHED!!!" And then start rocking back and forth. If there is a crying baby on board, try and slip him some Benadryl. They love the taste, and you'll love the sleep. Notice how I assume it's a little boy. It always is. Hope this helps your travels. First class is great, but when you've got a coupon....!!!

Source(s):
I work for Jet Blue

Anesthesia Effects After Waking up?

QUESTION:

Hello,when i woke up after surgery, i was laughing and crying,and it was unstoppable. I was wondered what would cause that. Also, I was too responsive to pain(they just removed my syringe , and i felt unbearable pain,then i laughed for a hour,without stopping,that was a day after i woke up from anesthesia). Is there any LSD based Anesthesia s. Cause effects was exactly same.

JOHNNYDOLLAR ANSWERS:

This same thing happened to my Uncle. He had surgery, and when he woke up he had Anesthesia. He forgot he was married to my aunt and kept sleeping around with younger women. He also never paid his bills, because he forgot about them. His trailer was reposessed, with my aunt in it!!!! It was a huge mess. I don't think he was on LSD, but my aunt might have a different opinion. She said he was being a jerk and going through a mid life crisis, but he swore up and down he had anesthesia. I hope things turn out better for you. Thanks for bringing this up. Jerk.

Source(s):
My Uncle

How to grow weed,, how to plant, and maintain it........... expert advice please?

QUESTION:

how to grow and maintain weed plants.. reggie

JOHNNYDOLLAR ANSWERS:

Well Reggie,
I hate to stereotype, but it sounds like the shoe fits. Men aren't good at gardening, and you are no exception. Weeds aren't what you want to grow. You want to grow flowers and fresh vegetables. You're going to want to pull the weeds up out of the ground before they choke out your other plants. A nice Azaila bush would be nice. You can use a weedkillers, but they can often have harsh chemicals and can harm the bush. ALWAYS PROTECT THE BUSH. This is a must. Nothing beats good old fashioned hard work. Try using a hoe. Remember:


Bush is good!!!
And if there's weed, there better be a hoe!

Hope this helps

Source(s):
Better Homes and Gardens

I believe we can get AIDS via mosquitoes.?

QUESTION:

Let's say a mosquito bites someone who's infected with AIDS. The mosquito becomes full of the victims blood, and then someone else sees that same mosquito and kills it. It so happens that the blood, coming from the mosquito, goes into a cut that the person has on his hand. Wouldn't AIDS be transferred into that person's cut?

JOHNNYDOLLAR ANSWERS:

I'm glad people are finally waking up to this serious problem. Mosquitos have been unchecked in society for too long. It is a known fact that they have unprotected sex with multiple partners. This is spreading AIDS at an alarming rate. They are very lewd and even have public sex. As a matter of fact, two just had sex on my desk the other day. I mean, it's not even their desk!!! But it's not entirely their fault, there are little to no mosquito condoms on the market. They often have to make due with the caps on the end of shoestrings. But all it's going to take is one human venturing over into a drunken night and AIDS will run rampant. They say, "Once you go mosquito, HOLY TOLEDO!"

Source(s):
Insect Planned Parenthood

What should i do if no signing up in the skyward? (CHOSEN AS BEST ANSWER)

QUESTION:

What should i do if no signing up in the skyward?

JOHNNYDOLLAR ANSWERS:

If there is no signing up in the skyward you probably weren't invited. There will be a man at the gate. He will tell you whether you go in or not, but since you didn't sign up, I'd probably just avoid the long line and head on down to the groundward. Tough luck bud. BTW, if you see my Uncle down there, tell him that I told him that what he did was NOT ok, but I enjoyed it nonetheless. XOXO

Source(s):
I am a Theologist

If you work at a movie theater do you have to clean the toilets?

QUESTION:

Could you just give out tickets for rest of job life?

JOHNNYDOLLAR ANSWERS:

Unfortunately, yes. I work at one now. It's kind of seedy, and we have 75 cent matinees. I'm only 14, so I don't really mind. The owner pays me under the table. I'm not allowed to go in the theatres, because "I'm not old enough." But the movies must suck, because only guys come and they stay for like 10 minutes, and then leave.

And let me tell you, the bathrooms are disgusting. People are always in there taking dumps. There are no urinals. Only stalls. I can hear them in there grunting and banging around. Must be a whopper!!!

Source(s):
Skin Movie Theatre

Which NBA player am I?

QUESTION:

I am 6-9
This is my 8th season in the NBA
I came from USC
I am 1/4 Italian
I have a physical feature which makes me stand out in the NBA

I will post the answer as soon as someone posts it. FIrst person to get it correct will get 10 pts.

JOHNNYDOLLAR ANSWERS:

It seems you've developed amnesia. The last thing you need to be worried about is Yahoo Answers! Get yourself to a hospital. A hospital is a place where people get help for being sick. You bumped your head and have forgotten everything. MY LORD! You're never going to make it there. Hmm, just send me your address and I'll come pick you up! Just remember me when you're able to get back on the court and make that massive amount of money! Who picked you up and took you to the hospital? Me! That's who.

What is defragging my hard drive if i defragg it do i still have to do it again everyonce in a while or what?

QUESTION:

i defragged my computer and it works so much better. do i still have to defragg it again and again or what?

Thanks for your help

JOHNNYDOLLAR ANSWERS:

Defragging your hard drive is still somewhat a controversial subject. Some people believe they are just born that way and there is nothing you can do about it. Some people believe that it is a choice the hard drive makes. Personally, whatever they do in the privacy of their own CPU is their business. Just don't try anything funny on me at a bar! I'll say that! But trying to "defrag" it is done in some circles. It usually involves a priest or intense therapy. Or sometimes both. However you go about it, try being a little more sensitive. I don't think they like the work "frag".

Source(s):
CEO of Flamboyant PCs

32 weeks pregnant i think i swallowed toothpaste?

QUESTION:

can it hurt the baby ??

JOHNNYDOLLAR ANSWERS:

First of all Jessie, congrats on the baby. It seems it's your first one, so I understand you're worry. It's healthy. And you're thinking wisely as well. You've already got one kid on the way, no reason to make it two! Swallowing "toothpaste" is perfectly normal and actually healthy. It's very in protein, which is good. And let's face it, your husband still has needs. He's not the one retaining water sista! So the least you could do is swallow a little "toothpaste" now and then. Some ladies might tell you to spit it in the sink, but that simply won't do. You got a baby on the way, you need to keep that man around!

Source(s):
I was on Jenny Jones once.

Sea lion trainer???????????????????????… (CHOSEN AS BEST ANSWER)

QUESTION:

my dream is to become a sea lion trainer but i dont know how to acheive it. if anybody works or has worked as a sea lion trainer at either the san diego zoo or sea world, can you please give me advice?
......................................…
Even if you know somebody who has worked as a sea lion trainer the advice will help tremendously! THANX !!!


JOHNNYDOLLAR ANSWERS:

Wow. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but there is no such thing as a sea lion. Furthermore, lions hate water. Especially loud water that crashes on them. Lions can swim, but surfing is more of a tiger thing. There has been experimentation with crossbreeding a shark with a lion that would result in a "sea lion" but this is still in the early stages. You can try breeding them yourselves, but it's difficult. I tried myself. I set up a date for the two, made a nice candle light dinner, and put on some Alicia Keys. While the lion seemed interested, the shark just flopped around for a bit, and then just went to sleep I think. Hope you have better luck, and hold on to that dream.

Source(s):
"Land" Lion trainer

Why is there a yellow dot on the screen of my i touch?

QUESTION:

it could possibly be green i wouldnt know I'm kind of color blind but yeah its just there whenever i open an app or synch it or whatever

JOHNNYDOLLAR ANSWERS:

It's not yellow, it's red. It's likely your iTouch was made in India, and is infact, Hindu. They were the dot on their forehead to represent piety. It is very important that you respect the iTouch's religious beliefs. They are not terrorists. They are people, just like you and me. Try going to a nice Indian restaraunt and showing it, that although it's culture is backwards, you are willing to branch out. Tell it you loved Slumdog Millionaire. Stuff like that. Also, don't mention 7/11s. It might get offended. They don't all drive cabs you know.

Source(s):
Center for Cultural Tolerance

How do I get to lay down in Meez, Do i have to buy an animation?

QUESTION:

im trying to figure out how i can lay down like i see other people doing, not sit but lay. Where can i get this from?

JOHNNYDOLLAR ANSWERS:

Geez, this is a question you don't want to answer my friend. Kretch asked me to do the same thing. "Lay down in Meez" he says. "No one will ever know" he says. "It's college, everyone is experimenting he says." The next thing I know, there are pictures all over his MySpaces. Of course his profile pick is still him in the bathroom mirror, but if you click More Pics. There we are in all of our grainy night vision glory. I know what you're thinking, but I've already contacted Tom and he's a real dick. Nothing like craig from craigslist. Real nice fellow. A real class act. Turns out he's a Pices though, so it'd never work out. We've been broken up now for quite some time so feel free to ask him out. Seriously. Just down lay down in Himz until you're both ready.

Source(s):
Craigslist>Erotic Services

Why does huck feel better when beaten?

QUESTION:

in the book (adventures of huckle berry finn) why does huck feel better when beaten? and where in the book is there a passeage that proves he feels better? i tink it is becaouse the widow gets mad at him but she dose not beat him
please help
thank you

JOHNNYDOLLAR ANSWERS:

Well...ya see...when a man and a woman love each other...they...you know...get together. And that's good. If they're married of course. Of course. Yeah. But sometimes..ya know...people change. And what was good for them then, isn't neccessarily as good now. So....they...do things. Things that seem strange...but aren't....ya know? It helps spice things up. For example, you and Timmy are friends, right? Right. But after a while, you might get bored with hanging out with Timmy. So, maybe Timmy dresses up as an Indian to keep you on your toes. Because, hey that's cool. Whatever you and Timmy do is your own business. So...what I'm trying to say is......ask your mother.

Source(s):
Birds and the Bees.....and a crop whip.

Why did all of my landscape lights suddenly go out?

QUESTION:

All 8 of my outdoor landscape lights went out at the same time. I thought it was the transformer, so I replaced it today, but the lights did not come back on. What else could cause them all to stop working at the same time?

Additional Details
They are not solar, they are electrically wired. The transformer is a black box to which the individual lights are wired and which plugs into the electrical outlet. It is also called a power pack.

JOHNNYDOLLAR ANSWERS:

Oh my Gosh! I know this one! You need to get inside quick! There are armed malitia men, no, no, no...ninjas, outside! I've seen this. They've cut the landscaping power to cover their tracks. I saw this in 3 ninjas. Don't' bother looking for them, they're probably wearing black. Now, do you have any knives? No?! Why not?! You eat out all the time? Whatever. Ok. How about a record player, a carboard cut out of Michael Jordan and a hot iron? Good. Now take the cardboard cut out and place it on the record player. Now press play and put it in front of the window. Now take the hot iron and, OH CRAP HERE THEY COME!! RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!!!!!!! THEY'RE NINJAS WITH GUNS!! THAT'S NOT EVEN FAIR.

Source(s):
Three Ninjas and Three Ninjas 2. Also Surf Ninjas and a little Home Alone

English to chinese pharmacological or medical dictionary?

QUESTION:

HI. I am a doctor. I am going to beijing next month to work in hospital. My friend told me that over there.even the medicine names are in chinese. So can anyone tell me any kind of website. i can find translations for medical stuff and medicine names. I tried google and beebo something. but I am not confident that It is accurate. I can speak and write chinese language. I am preparing for hsk exams also

JOHNNYDOLLAR ANSWERS:

I'd also like to know the answer to this. I often by my prescriptions in China Town to avoid paying higher costs. My first visit resulted in me purchasing a massive quantity of Tiger Penis. Every time I go now, I tell them my problem, and clearly state, "No Tiger Penis" but they still manage to sneak it in there somehow. I'm also almost certain I've been taking monkey testes for my headaches for about a month now.

Source(s):
Mr. Miogi

Can baby unready themselves?

QUESTION:

my daughter started solids around 4th months. she started with baby cereal and stage 1 gerber food around the same time. She was great for about a month. she was opening her mouth to feed and she got to the point where she was no longer pushing the food back out with her tongue. now she refuses to eat solids. she just swings her arms and coos and keep wanting to grab her spoon but she doesnt want to open her mouth anymore. if i force it in her mouth she just spits it all out and blows it on m y face =( why is she doing this??? am i doing something wrong??? (shes 5 months)

JOHNNYDOLLAR ANSWERS:

I've heard about this kind of thing before. You're child is possessed. She will soon come down stairs while you and a few friends are enjoying a jolly good time at the piano, and she'll urinate all over the place. Just pretend she is sick and take her upstairs. If you don't, she'll crab walk backwards up the stairs, making it awkward for everyone. Sheesh! One more thing, I can't stress this enough! Don't feed her after midnight! No wait, I meant, don't giver her a crucifix! Yeah, that's it. Just stay calm and me and my partner will be there soon!

Source(s):
Father Merrin

How to finger a b flat on a clarinet? (Chosen As Best Answer)

QUESTION:

How do you finger a high b flat on a clarinet?

Teacher yelled at me today for not knowing.

WOW, I hate him.

JOHNNYDOLLAR ANSWERS:

Well, there is no right or wrong way really. Your best bet is to try handing the clarinet a note along the lines of:

Do you like me?

{ } Yes
{ } No
{ } Maybe


If it chooses anyone besides NO, proceed to step 2. This involves buying it slap bracelets and letting it wear your class ring on it's necklace. Then ask it to the school dance. Have fun and try not to embarass yourself out there doing the Butterfly and the Tootsie Roll, just stick to the Electric Slide. Then when you're at the clarinets place and the parents are in the living room and you guys are watching "Homeward Bound: The Incredible Journey" have a go at it.
Source(s):
Band Teacher

What should I say to the coach? (CHOSEN AS BEST ANSWER)

QUESTION:

Im going to a different school next year and i went on to the school's web page to see if I could find anything about their cheerleading tryouts but they dont have anything on there about cheerleading.
However it does have a link to the cheerleading coach's email, and since I really wanna know about cheer tryouts and all, I figured I should email her cause I dont know alot of people from that school that I could just ask about it.

What should I put in the email?
I wanna know when the tryouts are taking place and what the requirments are.
Im already nervous about trying out there as it is so just emailing the coach is freaking me out. lol.
tell me exactly what I should put.

JOHNNYDOLLAR ANSWERS:

Dear Coach {Insert Name Here},

(Just so you know, I put that there so you can put the coaches name there, not that is her name. Unless that is her name, that would be too wierd though. I mean seriously, how do you even pronounce the brackets? It's probably a clicking sound like Swahili's make. But honestly, do you want to cheerlead for a Swahili? Didn't think so. She'll probably require you to put one of those rings in your lips that makes it expand huge. And that's not attractive either, especially since you're still so young. She probably doesn't take non-Swahili cheerleaders either. And THAT'S racist. You should sue. And as your legal advisor, I advise you to not have any contact with her until the trial.)


Sincerely,

Janice

Source(s):
legalzoom

Hi, I have a rabbit. He is a boy, and I wanted to know how to convince my parents to let me get another rabbit?

QUESTION:

My rabbits name is Frodo, and he is 2 years old, I have read about bonding rabbits, and need advice on convincing my parents to let me get another rabbit

Thanks Josh

JOHNNYDOLLAR ANSWERS:

Good question Josh. The best way to convince your parents is to show them you are taking this rabbit thing seriously and that you are responsible. Try enrolling your rabbit into some after school activities like Tango classes. Teaching your rabbit to play an instrument is good for discipline and creativity. They really excel at the trombone. Make sure you get his hair cut regularly so the other rabbits don't make fun of him. Bowl cuts are very popular amongst rabbits. Make sure you get a car seat for your bike when transporting him. Make sure you don't give him soda too close to his bed time or he will be up all night.

After you do this take him to your parents house and be all like, "I'm going to go to the bathroom, it's number 2." And when you leave have the rabbit go up and say something like, "I wish you loved me enough to let me have a friend." They'll have you another rabbit in no time.


Source(s):

How do I tell a 8 year old he smells?

QUESTION:

My brother's friend doesn't shower everyday and he smells up my whole house! How do I tell him to shower up without being mean?

JOHNNYDOLLAR ANSWERS:

Kids have a fragile ego, so it's best to make a game out of it. Tell him Santa Claus is outside, and when he runs outside, blast him with a fire hose. Play tag with him and when he comes around the corner, get him in the face with a box of Arm and Hammer Baking Soda. You can try daring him to snort Lysol or to eat potpourri.

Source(s):
I Am a Child Groomer

What do you do with bad guys? How do you defend yourself?

QUESTION:
So.. there have been a lot of bad guys around lately.
And I'm getting pretty worried because I walk home.
I've heard scenarios like bad guys following people home and sneaking through their garage/slipping under it while they close it
And that is extremely creepy and scary!

So what do you do when that happens?
What is the best type of self defense?
How do you stop bad guys from following you and what if they do?
Please give me as much feedback as possible =/

Does pepper spray really work? o_o

JOHNNYDOLLAR ANSWERS:

This is a great question. Glad to see you are thinking of your safety. The pepper spray doesn't work 100% of the time, because a lot of the time they're wearing eye make-up. If she jumps you from behind, try grabbing her hair. If you pull it really hard you can get a handful and this is usually enough to scare them off. If she sneaks in your garage and pop up in front of you when you get out of your car, try hitting her in their "chesticles." They are extremely sensitive.

If you can see them coming from a ways away, make comments about their weight, or how big their hips are. This is enough to stun them while you get away. You can also ask if it's going to be a boy or a girl.

Source(s):
I teach Men's Self Defense Classes

Who originated the "Wisconsin idea"?

QUESTION:
Who originated the "Wisconsin idea"?

JOHNNYDOLLAR ANSWERS:

That's a good question! I've never really thought of that. What a crappy state! Who's idea was that? Probably the same guy who thought New Mexico was a good idea. We see how that turned out. What a butthole of America. I mean, the Alaska idea really paid off in gold and oil, but Wisconsin? We got some cheese. Yay! I'm sure the lactose intolerant love that!

Source(s):
Mapmaker

WHO PROVIDES ECONOMIC AID TO JORDAN?

QUESTION:
Who provides economic aid to jordon?

JOHNNYDOLLAR ANSWERS:

This is a great question. Very few people even think about Jordan. When they do, all they think is, man he must be loaded from all of those Hane's, Nike, and Gatorade commercials. Never mind his illustrious basketball career! But what people don't realize is that Jordan was a horrible gambler. He would lose hundreds of thousands of dollars a day to Charles Barkley in a golf game. I mean, Charles is good, but have you seen his slice? I mean come on! But I digress.

For as little as .74 cents a day, you could help support Jordan's gambling. If he chooses wisely, you could even make money! And in these hard economic times, who doesn't want money? If you lose it, then it's a tax write off. Win-win. Being a basketball fan, I'm sure Obama will jump behind the cause soon enough.

Source(s):
Founder of Jordan's Kids

I need an example of the color sage green?

QUESTION:
I need an example of the color sage green?

JOHNNYDOLLAR ANSWERS:

I've been there before my friend. Especially when a lot of the colors start acting up. There is no way you can punish them all. Your best bet is to do what you're about to do. And that is make an example out of one of them. Good job on choosing Sage Green. He's a cocky little prick, sort of the ring leader. Bring him to his knees and the other will fall in line.

I'd recommend melting him and making a candle to burn when any of them start to act up. When they smell old Sagey burning, they'll straighten up right quick! You'll be able to sharpen them with ease.


Source(s):
I run a boot camp for at risk Crayons.

I need a Security certificate.?

QUESTION:

Someone said to me that you can get a Canadian National Security Certificate with an online course or something like that. That way i could work for security companies and stuff like that. my question is does anyone know where this website is so i can take the course? i cant find it.

JOHNNYDOLLAR ANSWERS:

This sounds about right. Canadian security courses online. There's no actual physical training, so you should be good. It is quite expensive though. The outfits have to fit tightly, so most people have them tailored. But the most expensive part is the damn horse. I live in a studio and that thing takes up so much space! He's ridiculous. In retrospect I should have gotten a Shetlin Pony instead of a Clydesdale. But I didn't think people would take me seriously. Who cares though, as long as I don't have to worry about his foot being in my crotch when I sleep.
Source(s):
Mounty for 12 years

THE CLOCK WON'T STOP! NUMEROLOGY?

QUESTION:

well hopefully that got somones attention. First it started with the 11:11. then it was 9:11. now the clock wont leave me alone. every time i look its 1:21, 1:31, 5:45, 6:36, 7:27, with 2 numbers on the outside and one in the middle. can anyone tell me what that means?

JOHNNYDOLLAR ANSWERS:

The clock is telling you that you are trapped by time. You are the middle numbers. Time is the outside ones. It never changes. You do. You only have one option.

You need to get down to the scrap heap and dig up a Delorean. You also need to build it so it runs off garbage. You know for the environment and for your health! Then you need to go 88 MPH. Notice that there are no numbers in the middle of that one!? You have escaped time! The wheels will come up and you will fly into the past. There, you need to play a kick *** guitar solo to save your parents and make sure Biff doesn't feel up your mom.

Source(s):
I am a Time Professor

WHY IS IT THAT EVERY TIME MY FRIEND STAYS OVER, ONE POPS UP?

QUESTION:

Every time my BFF, Savannah stays over, a SPIDER pops up out of no where! It's the weirdest thing! The 1st time she stayed over, a spider appeared above my head when I was in my closet, the 2nd time, there was a spider in the bathtub, and today, she found a spider in her shoe...(& crunched it on my blanket...LOL) Isn't that weird? Why is this? Lol.

JOHNNYDOLLAR ANSWERS:

I had the same thing happen to me, quite a few years ago, only with rats. Turns out my friend was actually "The Rat King" from TMNT! No way!

Your BFF is simply just learning about her powers and is using them on you. She isn't really your friend. She, and the spiders mind you, will turn on you the moment she realizes the pinacle of her power. The best thing you can do is locate your local foot clan and have them deal with her. Don't use Bee-Bop and Rock Steady though. Those guys are bafoons.

Source(s):
Leonardo

THERE IS A VERY SHY HORSE I AM GOING TO TRAIN...WAHT DO I DO?

QUESTION:

I am going to be working with a shy horse, but how do I get it to let me pet it?! her son is a full-grown horse, and he will not let anyone pet her or get near her. What should I do??

JOHNNYDOLLAR ANSWERS:

This isn't abnormal for horses. The first thing you need to do is let him know, just because he's different, doesn't mean he is bad. Try taking him to social activities. If he is reluctant, suprise him. Be like, "Let's me and you go to the store." When he agrees, stop by the roller skating rink instead where you have planned a party. Be like, "Oh wow! Look who's here! Who would have known?"

This will help him get out of that shell of his.

Source(s):
Horse Whisperer

ANYTHING BETTER THAN THE RASTERBATER? (CHOSEN AS BEST ANSWER)

QUESTION:

When I look through the gallery of Rasterbations, some of the color ones seem to be much better quality than the Rasterbator will allow - any ideas why? Is seems like instead of dots making up the image, it's just a copy of an image. I am using 7mm dots in multi-color on a large output image and it just doesn't look as good

Any ideas why? Or how I can improve? Does downloading the program instead of using the online wizard make the difference? Is there anything program that does it better?

Here is the Rasterbator, for anyone interested that doesn't know what I'm talking about :) -
http://homokaasu.org/rasterbator/

JOHNNYDOLLAR ANSWERS:

Well, let me tell you! I've been a fan of the Rasterbator for about 15-16 years now. Like everyone else, when I first learned about Rasterbation, I used it like 5x a day! I used my Rasterbator everywhere! School, friend's houses, etc. I even made it a game to see how many places i could Rasterbate. Now, I've gotten a little more used to it, but still after all those years, I never neglet the old Rasterbator. While other things have come out that are better in the short term, nothing has been through what me and the Rasterbator have been through. Longevity > Flash in the pan.

tl;dr One in the hand is better than 2 in the bush. Nothing is better than the Rasterbator


Source(s):
Rasterbation Enthusiast.

MY SPAM MESSAGES ARE BEING DATED IN THE YEAR 2038. WHAT IS GOING ON?

QUESTION:

Something very odd is happening on mail that Yahoo estimates as Spam. The messages are showing posting dates in the year 2038. What is going on?

JOHNNYDOLLAR ANSWERS:

First of all, calm down. You're not going to do any good all worked up. Good. Now, I don't know how, but you've traveled exactly 29 years into the future. There are all sorts of phenomena that would explain this. One is that you have somehow cracked the internet by pressing
"Prt Scr + Scroll Lock +Q+Up+Down+Up+Down+Left+Right+Select"

Now, either you've just gotten infinite ammo, or, as it seems is the case, you've traveled 29 years into the future. First things first, don't try and contact your future self. There is no chance you'll play cool Chuck Berry songs and impress him, as you haven't traveled to the past. Just enjoy yourself and get a job as a historian. You'll be great!


P.S. Please send me a hoverboard

Source(s):
I am one of 3 people to win the internet.

MY FRIEND IS SICK! WHATS WRONG?

QUESTION:

my friend has been really sick lately, randomly too. she says that if feels like "a little man is in her stomach and lungs and randomly stabbing her" she is a vegetarian and already has really low iron. she always says that the fact that shes vegetarian is getting her sick, she has been one for a year. she doesn't starve herself, nor eat too much. we tell her to go to the doctor but she says her mom just thinks shes just complaining and wont take her to the doctor. what do you think is wrong with her and is there anyway she can make herself better at home? she is planning on going back to eating meat.

JOHNNYDOLLAR ANSWERS:

Your friend may claim to be a vegetarian but her statement of "feels like a little man is in her stomach" proves otherwise. She is pregnant. I know what you're saying, "No she's not. She's never been with anyone. We're saving ourselves for marriage. We will both be vegetarians on our wedding night." Well Sammy, seems like you're the only vegetarian in the whole bunch. Your friend lost her vegetinity along time ago. She does need to go to the doctor. There, he will confirm that she is indeed, not a vegetarian. I'd drop her now. If not, you'll probably end up on Maury Povich.

Source(s):
I'm an OBGYN.

HEY I WANT TO DO I BECOME POPULAR?

QUESTION:

like people are giving me a bad reputation how do i change my reputation in school to be cool?

JOHNNYDOLLAR ANSWERS:

If you're a girl: Loosen up the couch cushions, if ya know what I'm saying. What I'm saying is, make sexes.

If you're a boy: Wear white t-shirts, grease your hair straight back, wear a leather jacket, tight jeans, and perhaps some Chuck Taylors. Drive a Firebird and use phrases like:

"Wanna go necking? You know, play a little backsit bingo?"
"Wanna take a ride in my bent eight? It's cherry."
"Shut up, or I'll cream ya! A real knuckle sandwich too!"
"What it is daddy-o?"
"What's buzzin cuzzin?"



Try these tips and you won't be such a square!

Source(s):
I was voted "Coolest in the Lands" of my HS in 1956.

WHAT'S THE WORST THING A LITTLE KID SAID TO YOU?

QUESTION:

I just started a job at a daycare center. and i had tons of little kids crawling all over me wanting to hold my hand and play and read books. lol but this one kid. omg he was sooo dam rude. he said a lot to me but one of things that didnt really hurt my feelings was "can you like hear me cause you keep saying huh" yes i know its just a little kid they dont mean it. i was jw what was the worst you got from a kid. (and i couldnt hear cause there was 20 kids screaming and playing with toys lol)

JOHNNYDOLLAR ANSWERS:

I was babysitting a child once and I couldn't get the little boy to use the bathroom. He was running around all crazy. So, I held the door shut and told him I wasn't going to let him out until he used the bathroom. He started banging on the door, playing, but then he started crying, but he was leaning on the door now so I couldn't get in. Then he balled, "Why'd you leave daddy? Why?!! Come baaaaaack" I finally pushed the door open and knelt down beside him and asked him if he missed his dad. He said, "He touched me."

I'm sorry, this is too much. I have to go.

Source(s):
I love babysitting!

I WOULD LIKE TO FURTHER UNDERSTAND THE BUSINESS PHONE, HOW? (CHOSEN AS BEST ANSWER)

QUESTION:

How would I go about further understanding the business phone?

JOHNNYDOLLAR ANSWERS:

First you must realize that the business phone is for serious business only. If someone can't reach you, you should always have a business pager handy. This will make you look like you are on OFFICIAL business. Business phones are always strapped to your belt, not in your pocket like your non-business phone. Business phones always have the default ring tone. Styx is for the non-business phone. Also, every business phone comes with a blue tooth. This is serious business. Also, don't look at porn on it.

Source(s):
I am a Business Man. Very important. I can do 20 pushups in a minute.

THIS IS A MEDICAL MYSTERY I NEED HELP?

QUESTION:

I went in today to see a Gastro specialist to get an Esophagogastroduodenoscopy (EGD) procedure done to find out what was wrong with me in my G.I. tract. I was diagnosed with Helicobacter Pylori about a year ago and i was treated with PREVPAC. I kept having the same symptoms of nausea, stomach pain and an episode of tarry stools aproximately two months ago. I thought for sure i was gonna get a for sure answer today from the specialist to see what was wrong with me but the results came back as "normal". I just don't understand why did i have so much abdominal pain and why did the results come out to be normal?

JOHNNYDOLLAR ANSWERS:

I had this same problem 6 years ago. And I'm a doctor! I was diagnosed with IBS, which is a catch-all, and a doctors way of saying, "I don't know." I ran an EGD and a colonoscopy on myself to no avail. Then, a simple x-ray found the problem. When I was 4 years old I had swallowed a micro machine toy. It had slowly made it's way down and gotten logged in my lower intestine. I remember it quite well. It was a 1967 Chevelle SS. Cherry red. I have yet to pass it, but I've been building an extensive track for whenever it does arrive.

I am 100% sure you have the same problem, only with a 1971 T-Bird.

Source(s):
I'm a Micro Machine Doctor.

WHAT DO YOU THINK IS THE RIGHT AGE TO HAVE A BABY?

QUESTION:

when do you think the right age is to have a baby x

JOHNNYDOLLAR ANSWERS:

Most people have babies when they are right around 9 months old. I prefer that they gestate a little longer. 9 months is just too young! They are still helpless and slow. They can easily be picked off by predators. You end up spending most of your time looking out for Falcons and Osprey instead of loving your child.

I'd recommend you wait until they are about 8 years old. Most children can run and defend themselves to some extent at this point. It also eliminates having to regurgitate into their mouths.

Source(s):
I am a Child Psychologist and avid hunter