IF YOU EVER TRIED TO UNSUBSCRIVE THE SPAM MESSAGES, DOES IT WORK?

QUESTION:

If you ever tried to unsubscrive the spam messages,does it seem to work?

JOHNNYDOLLAR ANSWERS:

Why would you want to unsubscribe from Spam? I get my weekly mailer from them and I love it! It's an affordable, delicious treat in these hard economic times. Great thing is, before I cook it, I often use it to polish dark wood furniture. The grease acts as a natural polish. It can also act as a great centerpiece for your table. It's a great conversation piece! And then you can eat it! Yay Spam!

Also, do you get their Spam of the Month? I love it!

Source(s):
Spam Subscriber for 14 years

HOW DO YOU DEAL WITH SHAITAN?

QUESTION:

I am trying to better my self in life (as should all Muslims).
I have had desires, I have felt lazy, I have had slight lapses into disbelief throughout my life... but now, I plan on taking it personally...

My motivation is thinking about the voice in my head (hidden whisper of Shaitan) and actually feeling anger with it and kind of fighting it brutally (in my head of course) and disobeying the voice that is telling me the bad things to do.

Like I'm actual in a brawl with it! Kinda like Fight Club :)
Beat the living (bleep) out of it!!!

How do you guys deal with Shaitan? Any advice?

JOHNNYDOLLAR ANSWERS:

Man. Good question! But sometimes you just have to deal with it ya know? Shaitan happens. I get Shaitan from my boss if I show up late, I get Shaitan from my wife if I work late. It feels like now matter what I do, someone is Shaitan on me. But the way I look at Shaitan is, you're either getting it, or you're shoveling it out! You know what I'm saying? Yeah, this guy knows what I'm talking about.

Source(s):
I'm full of Shaitan

A GOOD BABYSITTING COMPANY NAME?

QUESTION:

Info--

*My name is MiKaela
(pronounced mee-kay-luh)
*I'm 13
*I am a Red Cross Certified babysitter...I just took the class Monday, and passed.
*I love children...and I love to have fun...although irrelevant, it may help, right?
*I have a lil sis, age 9, and a lil bro, turning 12 this month. I have babysat both of them, and each individually for a min. of 30 Min's and so far, a max.with my bro of about 6 hours....(At night), and my sis of 3 hours....
(Actually, my dad just left to run some errands and I'm watching them both now.....)
I have watched other people's children, the youngest is almost a year and the oldest is 7, while they were home....but we were in separate rooms. I've been doing so since I was about 7 or 8.

Any other info, just ask.



Please and thank you!!

JOHNNYDOLLAR ANSWERS:

Mi Killa Yo Baby.

A play on your name and it has to do with babies.

Source(s):
Marketing for Enron

IS IT DANGEROUS TO BREED A MALE COCKER SPANIEL AND FEMALE POMERANIAN? (CHOSEN AS BEST ANSWER)

QUESTION:

would it be hard on the female pom to carry and deliver these pups?

JOHNNYDOLLAR ANSWERS:

Yes. This is very dangerous. But it can be done, if you know what you're doing. It is a well known fact that halfway through mating, a Cocker Spaniel will devour the head of it's mate. A few precautions should help curb the problem.

1. Put a cone around the Pomeranian's head. This will act as a barrier.
2. Put a muzzle on the Cocker Spaniel.
3. Don't be afraid to get your hands dirty. With all this added equipment, the dogs can get bashful. You can stimulate them both with your hand to get the party started.
4. Have fun with it!

Source(s):
Dog Breeder

MY LAPTOP IS BEING WEIRD? (CHOSEN AS BEST ANSWER)

QUESTION:

ive gota problem with my laptop
or the internet on it
each time i get on
the internet on all the computers
dies
the modem and computer tho
say its full connection and everythin
but when u go to click to use the internet for anything
it wont work
but
when i turn the laptop off
the internet comes back for my comp and dads comp
it only goes away when the laptop is on


how can i fix this, and whats causing this to happen

thanks

JOHNNYDOLLAR ANSWERS:

Definitely sounds like your laptop is being weird, but it's probably nothing serious. He's around that age. He's getting hair in weird places, starting to notice girls, etc. He's growing away from you and closer to his friend's. It's a natural order of life. Don't be insulted, instead feel proud that your little laptop is growing up.

Continue to be firm with him. They still crave discipline and rules. If you find him with Trojans, sit him down and talk about the dangers of being sexually active, and that he can get a virus that will mess him up! Believe you me! I'm still itching from that one night in Tijuana.
Source(s):
Computer Guidance Counselor

HOW MUCH WOULD IT COST TO TAKE MY GUINEA PIG TO THE VET FOR A C SECTION?

QUESTION:

my guinea pigs pregnant and shes a little old...and i love tis little pig a lot and so do my parents they said if its a reasonable price then she can go to the vet for a c-section...if not then im paying for it@!!!\ lol but how much would it cost?

JOHNNYDOLLAR ANSWERS:

It can be quite pricey, so I would recommend just having a natural birth. I assume, as a responsible owner, that you've taken the her to lamaze classes. Make sure you're in there for the delivery. Focus on her breathing and give her ice cubes to chew on. When all is said and done, go out in the waiting room and pass out cigars. You've done a great job, you deserve to celebrate.

Source(s):
Guinea Pig Breeder

I CAN'T STOP EATING, CRAP!!!!?

QUESTION:

I cant stop eating food, especially icecream. All I want to do is eat. For instance, I cant be happy with just watching a movie, my hands have to be moving.. to my mouth... with gummi bears. Its ridiculous. I'm not a heifer but this is getting out of hand. I want to control my appetite and not eat like a fat bulldog.

JOHNNYDOLLAR ANSWERS:

As a trained dietitian, let me tell you that eating your own fecal matter is not healthy! I know it can become a habit and it is often delicious, especially if you've eaten corn, but it can really be detrimental to your health. Going cold turkey can create a withdrawl, so try stepping down gradually. Soon you'll be off the brown stuff.

Source(s):
Dietitian

HOW TO BE A GOOD FIGHTER?

QUESTION:

Hello, I am a 13 year old boy I am 5,4 and 140 pounds! I want to be a good fighter with hard punches and good blocks. When I was 8 I broke my arm and when i try to go palms up it only goes half way. How can I be a good fighter?

JOHNNYDOLLAR ANSWERS:

Well, it seems you have some rather large limitations, but nothing that can't be worked around. First of all, at your height, you're able to get much lower than your opponent. Use that to your advantage. When you duck, try hitting him square in the dick. Aim for the head. That will do the most damage. A couple of straight rights and an upper cut to the dick ought to make you a great fighter.


Source(s):
I trained Ali

IS IT POSSIBLE TO MAKE AN AUTO-CASTING SPELL MACRO FOR ONE OF MY SHAMAN SPELLS? (CHOSEN AS BEST ANSWER)

QUESTION:

Is it possible to make an auto-casting macro for one of my shaman spells?
I want to autocast lightning shield, because it's used up after every creature I kill, and it's the most annoying thing, having to put it back on after every kill.

JOHNNYDOLLAR ANSWERS:

I'm not sure why you would want to automatically castrate someone but I"m sure there is a way. I would imagine it would involve the following ingredients:

1. A neon sign
2. A Wall with a hole cut in it
3. A mini guillotine
4. Rags and boiling water for clean up.


Be careful that you get it right, but don't practice on yourself. TRUST ME!

Source(s):
Eunich

MY SISTER BROKE MY CAMERA BY DROPPING IT AND SPILLING A DRINK ON IT, DOES ANYONE KNOW A WAY TO FIX IT?

QUESTION:

My sister broke my camera by dropping it and spilling a drink on it, does anyone know a way to fix it?

JOHNNYDOLLAR ANSWERS:

You're going to need to do the exact opposite in order to fix it. First, throw it up until it smacks the ceiling with about the same amount of velocity it hit the floor. Then put it in the dryer for about an hour or so. This should have your camera working fine, and now in HD!

Source(s):
I run a holistic camera repair shop

HOW MUCH WOULD IT COST TO GET A TRAIN STARTING IN OHIO AND ENDING IN UTAH? (CHOSEN AS BEST ANSWER)

QUESTION:

i tried useing the web websight for amtrack because thats what train i normaly go on but i didn't understand it

JOHNNYDOLLAR ANSWERS:

Probably a lot. Mainly because no one besides GIEFF has taken a train since 1898. You see, Henry Ford, created the gas powered horse carriage. So you're gonna have to build you're own. Things you'll need:

1. Train tracks.
2. Man with handlebar mustache to buy up all the land in town from people who don't want to sell.
3. A giant mechanical spider to kill Will Smith.
4. John Henry


Looking at this list, it's probably best to take a $50 Greyhound.

Source(s):
Professor in Ancient Folklore and Transportation

LAPTOP DOES NOT DO ANYTHING? IT'S ALMOST DEAD!!?

QUESTION:

dont want to write a complete story however here's my issue. The Laptop's DVD wasnt working so i went on google to search for some answers and it gave me steps to do something with the registries. I backed up the Registry and deleted few files...now i cant use my mouse or the keyboard, they dont respond at all!! i tried F8 and tried going into the last best working time however that has also failed. now i can only start my laptop but can't do anything after my desktop comes up..I tried my wireless mouse to feel lucky but that also failed....PLZ PLZ someone help me??

JOHNNYDOLLAR ANSWERS:

It does sound like your laptop is almost dead. So sorry to hear. Instead of posting on here, you should be spending your last bit of time together. Try going to it's favorite place and enjoying it. Take him to the internet. I believe it's in Silicon Valley somewhere. Tell him how you really feel. Spend the little time you have left enjoying each other. Tell your favorite memories, "Remember that time I was looking at pr0n and my wife came in and I said I was checking my email? Yeah, good times."

Things like this will really make a difference.


Source(s):
IT Professional for 25 years

THIS PERSON KEEPS CALLING ME?! (CHOSEN AS BEST ANSWER)

QUESTION:

It comes up on my cell "no caller ID" its been going on for 5 days they call me like 4 times a day i haven't answered lately...el.. when i did id say Hello ! like 4 times then they would hand up..... help!! what should i do?

JOHNNYDOLLAR ANSWERS:

Don't lie to everyone! You need to answer the phone! You have my tamagotchi and my slap bracelet and you need to give it back Karen! You are a sneak thief! Don't forget to tell people you also slept with my brother! If anyone's sleeping with my brother, it's gonna be me!!!

Source(s):
Seriously, pick up the phone. I want my stuff back.

COULD YOU BULLDOZE SOMEONE'S HOME?

QUESTION:

To make way for Heathrow's third runway, the entire village of Sipson and surrounding houses will be annihilated.

When it comes to doing it, some bloke with a family and home is just going to bulldoze someone else's cherished home !
I feel employees of the contractors have a moral obligation to blacklist the scheme.
Any opinions ?

Additional Details
Jeeeeeeeesus !! I've looked at the answers I've received !
If this lot are typical of the human race, please send another Flood !!!!

JOHNNYDOLLAR ANSWERS:

Sure I could. I'm quite adept at it. Once, my neighbor kept trimming his tree, but the branches would blow onto my lawn afterwards. So I bulldozed his house. At first he was mad, but now we laugh about it. So if you need someone, which it sounds like you do, let me know. I already have my own bulldozer.

Source(s):
bulldozer enthusiast

DOES IT AFFECT THE BABY WHEN ITS ALREADY BORN AND THE FATHER DOES FRUGS?

QUESTION:

Does it affect the baby when its already born and the father does frugs?

JOHNNYDOLLAR ANSWERS:

Judging by the question, I'd assume you're the father. So, that being said. Smoke all the crack you want. You just had a baby! Time to celebrate!


Source(s):
Your crack dealer.

WHY DO PPL ALWAYS ASK ME WHAT I USE ON MY SKIN?

QUESTION:

A lot of girls tell me I have nice skin,and they ask me to tell them my secret... What do they see??

JOHNNYDOLLAR ANSWERS:

They're probably just being nice. Girls can be crafty that way. You probably have something wrong with your skin and they want to make sure they're not doing what you're doing! They just want to be nice about how they ask it. So, you see, while you may have bad skin, you have good friends. And isn't that what matters most in the end? You, have true wealth. Not beauty. Definitely not that. But true wealth.
Source(s):
Women's Studies Professor

SHOULD I SEE A DOCTOR ABOUT MY BACK PAIN?

QUESTION:

Back has been hurting for over a month. Upper lefthand side of my back-- the ribs. It hurts especially when I sneeze (AH!), cough, hiccup, or inhale deeply. I've seen a chiropractor twice, he adjusted me-- but it seemed to make my back worse. I have a dull ache in my back at all times now, and a sharp pain whenever I sneeze, cough, etc. Will this go away on its own?

JOHNNYDOLLAR ANSWERS:

Well, I work for WebMd and I can already tell you what your problem is.." Upper lefthand side of my back-- the ribs."

Your ribs have somehow formed in your back. This is HUGE! You could be a medical miracle. But as you've stated it's causing you pain. You see, most people's ribs are in their chest.

Your backwards torso could lead to other, more severe problems. You could develop a proceeding hairline. This is the opposite of a receding hairline. Your hair would actually grow down your face. You could begin to fart out of your mouth. This could lead to less luck with the ladies. And while it's not a MEDICAL problem. It is serious business.

Go to a doctor buddy.

Source(s):
I founded WebMd

HOW DO YOU GET RID OF UPPER ARM FAT, BIG HIP, AND BUTT FAT? (CHOSEN AS BEST ANSWER)

QUESTION:

I have a prom coming up in May!!! It is my first prom and I really want to look pretty. Also, I want to look good in a dress that I will wear for prom, which I haven't decide on that yet, but I will soon ^_^. Anyway, I hope there is an exercise that will help me get ready for that. And hopefully it is easy to learn like one that I can do every night before I go to sleep and every morning I woke up. I hope to hear from you and your opinion!!!!

JOHNNYDOLLAR ANSWERS:

First of all. You're too young to be doing porn. But if you're gonna do it, don't worry how you look. There are guys who are into that kind of thing, ya know? People are freaks! Some people even like animals. So if you're hairy, who cares?!!! You feel me? But I'd start out doing webcam stuff first, ya know to get your feet wet.

BTW, no one cares about whatever dress you'll be wearing in your porn. Just skip the dialogue and get down to business!


Source(s):
pr0n

NEED ADVICE PLEASE! ABOUT SONG....? (CHOSEN AS BEST ANSWER)

QUESTION:

i have to make a rap about the 10 amendments
and i need help

if u could list thh lyrics and or the toon would be great thanks!

JOHNNYDOLLAR ANSWERS:

Yo. Yo Yo Yo.

Mic check, mic check.

Turn me up in the head phones. Woah, not that loud. Yeah. That's right.

I love the 10 Commandments.
Moses and Abraham too.
And if you don't like some Jebus,
Then you need to do yo own damn homework too!!!!


I imagine it to be rapped to Gettin' Jiggy with It.

Source(s):
The 10 amendments rap group.

WHAT DOES IT MEAN F A GUY BRUSHES UP AGAINST A GIRL?

QUESTION:

I am 16. There is a guy in my class and my teacher assigned me to work on a couple projects in class together. We both had to stand up to work on the project and he kept standing so close to me when there was plenty of room. He kept brushing his arm against mine very subtly. He did this multiple times. Then, he walked behind me and his shoulder brushed against my back very lightly but there was plenty of room again. He is loud but gets quiet around me and doesn't try to talk to me, but when we do have to talk his voice is a softer tone than when he talks to his friends. What does he want from me? If he liked me wouldn't he try to talk to me? Why does he do this?


JOHNNYDOLLAR ANSWERS:

It sounds like he's scared of you. He's quiet to try not and startle you. He is brushing up next to you softly to let you know he is not a threat in any way. He'll probably also lie on his back and show you his belly. This is another submissive technique. He considers you the Alpha male of the group and expects you to take charge. This is often done by dry humping in a non-sexual manner.

Try not to scare him off. He seems skiddish.

Source(s):
Boy Scouts, Nature Shows, and the like.

IS BUYING A CARGO VAN CONSIDERED PROPERTY I CAN WRITE OFF?

QUESTION:

I bought a cargo van for my business and in my taxcut software the only place I can find where I could try to get a deduction other than for mileage is in the property section but it doesnt say what kind of property is not considered so I am thinking I cannot claim it


JOHNNYDOLLAR ANSWERS:

It is pending two things.

1. Is it windowless?
2. Will you be selling candy to children from it?

If you answered yes to those questions. You're in for a tax break!


Source(s):
Personal Experience

I KEEP HAVING A DREAM ABOUT A PERSON FROM 25 YEARS AGO?

QUESTION:
He is a friend, but we never dated. I admit I liked him a lot. Even in the dream, it is clear to me that I can't have a relationship with him. At the time, I dated his best friend.

Why does this man above all others appear in my dreams?

JOHNNYDOLLAR ANSWERS:

I'd run away! Fast. How this guy got a time machine is beyond me, but if he's smart enough to travel from 25 years in the past to find you, he's probably developed some sort of ray gun as well. He could be dangerous


Source(s):
Back to the Future 1, 2, and 3